January 21st, 1 AB

We at Life After Obama would like to celebrate the events that occurred yesterday as part of what many consider to be an "historic" day in the history of the United States. However, this would not be in line with LAO's dream of a colorblind society; as such, we will not mention the inauguration of Barack Obama as the nation's first black president in sixteen years.

Caroline Kennedy has withdrawn her name from consideration to replace departing New York senator Hillary Clinton. Kennedy made the decision after learning she was not going to be chosen by New York governor David Patterson to succeed senator Clinton. In an unrelated story, the New England Patriots have withdrawn from consideration for a place in the Super Bowl after finding out they did not make the playoffs.

According to the Global Language Monitor, president Obama's inauguration was covered 35 times more than president George W. Bush's inauguration in 2005. The most recent inauguration inspired about 35,000 news stories, compared to a mere 1000 for Bush's inauguration. Upon hearing the news, Republicans in Congress hastily drew up a bill aiming to elminate the national debt by charging a tax of $285 million for each Obama story printed.

After a mistake-filled oath of office was administered by Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts, President Obama was re-administered the oath by Justice Roberts today. "We decided it was so much fun," joked Obama. So much fun, in fact, that sources say Roberts was presented with a special pager so that he can be called at a moment's notice to again administer the oath whenever the mood strikes.

Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim has invested $250 million into the New York Times, which has recently been suffering from a decline in subscriptions. Times officials refused to comment on rumors the newspaper was considering a name change to El Nuevo York Veces.