November 9th, 0 AB

According to the National Herald Tribune, the election of Barack Obama as the next president of the United States has created a dramatic increase in the popularity of the names Barack, Obama, Michelle, Malia, and Sasha. Naming experts are unsure about why president-elect Obama's middle name, Hussein, is failing to catch on.

The same experts are also unsure whether or not the recent election has had any real effect on naming, citing popularity of John, Sidney, Sarah, and Cindy, names associated with the presidential runner-up.

The Metropolitan Transit Authority of New York City is looking at instituting tolls for all cars passing over East River bridges. In an unrelated story, sales of the Tumbler (better known as the Batmobile from the blockbuster films Batman Begins and The Dark Knight), known for its ability to jump over obstacles, have skyrocketed.


Deborah Howell, the ombudsman for the Washington Times announced that the paper's election coverage was unfairly skewed toward Barack Obama and apologized for the discrepancy. In other news, the sun rose in the east and set in the west.

The Russian navy announced that an accident aboard a nuclear submarine killed 20 people. When asked for comment, the year 1980 said it would like its news stories back.