November 23rd, 0 AB

A security guard on the grounds of the Church Of Scientology in Hollywood shot and killed a man armed with two samurai swords. A security tape shows the man arriving in a red convertible, then approaching the guard carrying a sword in each hand. The Church Of Scientology hasn't issued a formal statement, but Tom Cruise, speaking on behalf of Xenu, said he wishes the man's thetan well.


According to a report from the UK Times, president-elect Barack Obama's official limo, an armor-plated beast being built by General Motors, could suffer from having poor gas mileage. The limo is supposedly being based on a GM truck model that gets less than ten miles to the gallon. A spokesman for Obama said he expects the problem to be solved by making sure the limo's tires are properly inflated.

A man who accidentally left his cell phone containing nude photos of his wife at a McDonald's is suing the corporation. Someone apparently found the phone, because the photos have since ended up online. In an unrelated story, approximately 5000 other cell phones containing nude photos have been found in stores across the country.